When we first sat down with Pastor Greg, we could hear the concern. As the pastor of a thriving religious congregation in North San Diego County, he witnessed an uncomfortable divide among congregants during the 2016 and 2020 election season. How could he help members of his congregation have the skills and tools to have honest, open conversations, even if they don’t agree? His question sparked Olive Branch Conversations to create “Let’s Talk, Let’s Listen,” a training workshop that is the foundation for community members to have conversations across perspectives.
Of course, just about everyone knows how to have a conversation, right (except maybe silent teenagers, but that’s temporary, thank goodness)? But what about talking about those thorny, vulnerable or potentially divisive subjects? What about being honest and real when you’re afraid you might hurt someone’s feelings? These are the conversations that happen in communities all the time. And giving members the tools to have healthy conversations creates a culture centered around what matters for members to feel connected.
After all, we need to feel confident to be honest, real and respectful to move into the next step of problem solving, strategizing, planning and taking positive action together.
Why is civil conversation training an important first step in communities?
- R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Before we can tackle complex issues and topics we need to agree on how we’ll interact. Civil conversations training provides a framework built on mutual respect, even when viewpoints diverge. It’s about recognizing the inherent dignity and humanity of the person across from you, regardless of their opinions.
- Listen first, speak later: One of the biggest barriers to open dialogue is the tendency to listen with the intent to reply, rather than to understand. Training emphasizes active listening techniques – asking clarifying questions, paraphrasing to ensure comprehension, and genuinely trying to grasp the other person’s perspective and underlying concerns. Good listening cultivates healthy, honest conversations.
- It equips people with practical tools for respectful engagement: Civil conversations aren’t about being “nice” and avoiding difficult topics. They’re about engaging with those topics constructively with a focus on understanding.
Participants gain practical tools like using “I” statements and good questioning techniques to engage constructively, even when they disagree. This fosters a safe enough space for vulnerability, inviting honesty and authenticity. The goal shifts from “winning” to understanding, leading to deeper connection and innovative solutions. Ultimately, these skills build momentum for broader engagement, problem solving and innovation.
Moving Forward, Together
Following the first “Let’s Talk, Let’s Listen” workshop at Pastor Greg’s congregation, members like Vanessa told us that they learned skills that would last for a lifetime. The training also allowed the group to hold facilitated dialogues both before and after the 2024 election that opened doors to a culture of open, generative, honest conversations.
“This came at a perfect time, when our leadership was seeking to have respectful interactions on political issues. It was such an important learning process for our congregation,” said Pastor Greg.
As Pope Leo recently said, “Peace takes shape from the ground up, beginning with places, communities and local institutions, and by listening to what they have to tell us. In this way, we come to realize that peace is possible when disagreements and the conflicts they entail are not set aside, but acknowledged, understood and surmounted.”
Indeed, these honest conversations are the beginning of the real work of making our communities and our world better places to live, learn, work and worship together.